Harpoville Will Sleep Safer Tonight

The Patrons of Harpoville will sleep safer tonight knowing Conservative Critic Vic Teows kicked the new government into high gear, just two days after the election, when like a pit-bull in the park, came screaming out of the gate calling for Canadian Border Guards to be armed. Putting into place the first of the Reform/Conservatives election promises, (what happened to shaving one percent off the GST?). This was announced after two 'armed' murder suspects evaded police in California, then drove some twenty hours North towards the 'unarmed' Canadian Border.
It is suspected, the driver; one Jose Barajas, jogged left, when he should have turned right, got lost and headed North when he thought he was driving back to his home in Mexico. The two suspects must have been in shock when they saw the sign;

CANADIAN BORDER TEN MILES.
DON'T FORGET TO VISIT THE DUTY FREE SHOP,
AND HAVE A NICE DAY, AYE!

So suprised were they, that, they forgot to draw their weapons as they ran into a waiting Washington State Police roadblock, where they were apprehended.

Earlier that day, in the BC drizzle, Canadian Border guards ran off the job, closing the border for some seven hours, when they heard the two suspects were heading their way. "You can't expect us to stand there with pepper spray and pleasing smiles when their are killers on the loose", one fleeing guard was heard saying. "They don't pay me for that shit."

B.C.'s Solicitor General John Les said; "You know, sometimes some people, not as nice as us, come trying to get into The Great White North, aye!, we need us some guns."

Vic Teows said; "guards will be trained and armed as soon as we get us some guns."

Arms munufactures in the US expect sales to sky rocket in 2006.