Monday, January 25, 2010

Dudestitute Coming to a Brothel Near You

Its "One Small Step For (a) Man and One Giant Leap for Dudestitute-kind."

The Harpoville Post reports that although male prostitution has been around for as long as, as long as..... Well, most likely it was invented twenty minutes after female prostitution was invented. Which has been called the worlds second oldest profession. What was the first? .... Who knows, but we are pretty sure prostitution was invented shortly after the first pay cheque was cut.

The Harpoville Post has found The Shady Lady Raunch brothel, located in Beatty Nevada, has hired their first male prostitute by the name of Markus..... No last names please. I'm sure his parents are embarrassed enough. The Harpoville Post has learned that Markus has been hired on for the 'ladies pleasure'. Which is annoying to the fine ladies of The Shady Lady who feel if Markus is really committed to the worlds second oldest profession he should bone up to the plate and commit to having sex with men as well as women. That is if any show up.
As one of the Shady Lady's finest old pros told The Harpoville Post; "This dump has got enough fat, old, toothless bastards coming around here looking to stick themselves into any old keyhole. If this little prick wants to help out around here he can pick up the slack by bending over and lending us a hand. ..... Sorta speak."

Saturday, January 23, 2010


The Harpoville Post has sprung open it's doors and sharpened up its pens to help celebrate this the marking the Golden Jubilee, less 45-years, celebration in our beloved leader Harpo's rule. Surely the good people of Harpoville will be busy hanging banners and baking pies, Harpo's favorite, and dancing in the streets till the wee hours of the evening. Since seven pm is curfew and any Harpoville citizens caught on the streets past the hour of seven will be severely scolded, written up and immediately put to death.
Our beloved Harpo has seen fit to joyously celebrate this occasion by eliminating work for himself and his dooly elected MP's for the next two months. Citizens of Harpoville will fortunately be expected to work they're required 14+ hours and then be present and pleasant on the parade route as it winds itself thru the streets of harmonious Harpoville later today.

Long live King Harpo!

Monday, March 23, 2009

Greg Guteld Sucks, It Up

Harpoville Post Extra

Extreme Neo- conservative Fox Channel broadcaster Greg Guteld sucked it up today and apologized for slamming his fellow 'conservatives' on his late night/early morning rant and rave TV show.

The show, called Red Eye, which is odd considering that 40-years ago he'd never be allowed to call his show that because "red' used to refer to Communism, now it's a short form for the new far right, neo-conservative front emerging from North America. Yes, the same one GW Bush and Stephen Harper belong to.
It seems Greg, who's more often found in the wee small hours in any major metropolis airport restroom giving the conservative 'low-five' to the fellow in the next stall, decided to hoist his rant & rave banner and direct his comments at Stephen Harper's Afghanistan mission now called HARPER'S MISTAKE.
This news broke just as 4-fallen Canadian soldiers, the largest number to date, skim along the highway #401 blacktop now know as the Highway of Heroes.
Although Peter McKay was 5-days short of 'quick' to demand an apology from his neo-conservative brother one must sit back and wonder is this is real or is this fake. You see in 'neo-conservative' think one must first plant a seed. And one neo-conservative will gladly apologies to another if it helps plant that seed.

Example #1; In America neo-conservative said Bin Laden is a terrorist. Although the CIA/USA gave Bin Lauden Millions of dollars to be a terrorist. So, now we have the proof he's is a terrorist.
Example #2; America say's Canada will pull out of Afghanistan to 'run in the sand and do yoga'. Soon Peter Mckay and Harper will stand up in the house of Commons and say no we will stand and fight.

I say; maybe it's time we widen that highway of heroes.

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Tuesday, February 06, 2007

American's Sweetheart Astronaut Goes Nuts

"Last summer she was on the space station now she's on another planet"

The Harpoville Post reports that American Astronaut Lisa Nowak drove 900 miles to try and kidnap another woman. The 43 year old former astronaut who just last summer flew in space drove her car from Huston to Orlando, in a diaper so she wouldn't have to stop, then donned a disguise and tried to kidnap a woman she believed was after the man she loved.

The Harpoville Post has learned Lisa would go to the ends of the earth and beyond for the man she loved, a space shuttle pilot. Police have denied bail after charging her with vehicle burglary, destruction of evidence and battery when they picked up the crazed female with a can of pepper spray, a BB-gun, a new steel mallet, a knife and what police seem most excited talking to Lisa about is the rubber tubing they found in her possession.

The Harpoville Post reports that NASA is planing a better screening process for the astronauts of the future. Major Tony Master of NASA told the Harpoville Post; "We have to make sure the people we spend Millions of dollars on training to be astronauts aren't as crazy as Miss Nowak has turned out to be. Though I guess her last name should have been a big hint. But NASA promises that the astronauts of tomorrow will not be as crazy as the ones of today but, they'll still have to be crazy enough to want to go into outer space.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

A Little Tory Song A Little Tory Dance

"Leaves a little Tory seltzer down everybody's pants"

The Harpoville Post reports that Harpo's Tory Government has done the near impossible by bring back the dead. But, just as Canadians were about to applaud the Tories for their hind-sight correction of past Tory ill judgment they went ahead to take a shot of their own foot. The government waited to announce the $300 Million dollar pledge to help seal up Canadian homes with a $1000. Per household grant to help keep old man winter where he belongs at the Toronto Home Show and was welcomed by the struggling renovation industry who applauded the move as well as most environmentalists who were left muttering; "Though isn't this just the old Liberal package you guy's scraped exactly one year ago." Instead of swallowing a little pride Minister of Natural Resources Gary Linn who delivered the annoucement, that should have came from the Minister of Environmental Disasters, went on the offensive by denying it saying; "No this is nothing like the Liberals plan to give money to home owners to help repair a seal their homes to help them save money on their gas bills. Nothing like that at all."

The Harpoville Post has learned that the Tory plan is said to deliver $1000 to $5000 per household that will go directly to the homeowners by way the renovation trades. The plan smells a tad like the 'spray insulation craze' of the 1970's which was followed by the 'pay money to have men take out the spray insulation craze' that follow in the 1980's and all paid for by the tax payers of Canada.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Canada To Develop Spy Coins

"We are about to release 'spy bucks' to find out what American's spent Canadian money on"

The Harpoville Post reports that Canada's top spying network has decided to go ahead a develop 'spy coins' after all. It was reported that America's extremely paranoid defense agency had accused Canada of planting 'spy coins' on defense contractors as they entered Canada to sell over-priced obsolete arms to Canada's dim-witted Minister of Lack-of-defense Gordon O'Connor, no relation to Donald. They claim Canada inserted tiny transmitters into the 'spy coins' to trace the whereabouts of defense contratctors and steal America's military technology which they are trying so desperately to unload on Canada now the arms bubble has burst in America. But just as America's false paranoid accusations came to light as completely reticules the Canadian spy network decided; "Hold on this isn't such a bad idea."

The Harpoville Post has learned that at first the CSO, the Canadian Spy Office, located at 221 Bank Street Ottawa, denied the accusations from the Americans but now have decided that it wouldn't be such a bad idea after all and have decided to go ahead with the plan. The CSO is planning to start work on developing microchip money. The CSO says they want to see how many American defense contractors spend their weapons commissions on lap dances in Hull Quebec after a hard days work selling shells in Ottawa.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Khan Caught in Ka-runch

"Mums the word on present and past dealings with Harpo's newest lap-dog"

The Harpoville Post reports nothing that will be said in response to Prime Minister Harpo's newest swipe from the Liberal gene-pool, ex-Liberal now Conservative MP Wajid Khan. Last summer when Khan felt so honored to be hand picked to spend $13,000 in 19 days to met with officials in Jordan, Syria, Israel, Egypt, Lebanon and Saudi Arabia but what was said at those meetings and the tax-payers expense is now been made private by the Prime Ministers Office for no other reason than; "That it's nun of your or the tax-payers business".

The Harpoville Post has learned since silence is golden with Harpo's new Conservative open Government why are they acting so cagey about news that their newest favored son may be soon brought up on charges of illegal political loans. The Prime Minister has run from sight and Vic Toews has made tracks by canceling a speech in Khan's Mississauga Ontario riding which was to welcome him into the Tory fold. It seems Khan's Mississauga car dealership over padded his own financial purse to ensuring an easily fluffed up victory in last years federal election. But since he was elected a liberal then defected to the Tories neither the liberals or the Tories will back him up on this one. The liberals are now screaming for an investigation and most likely his head on a stick and the Conservatives, well they're doing what they do best and not returning Khan's calls and cries for support.

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