Saturday, December 30, 2006

Life Back To Normal Now Saddam Is Dead

"It's a slow day in Iraq when the death count slips below 100 civilians"

The Harpoville Post reports as the sun rose in Iraq and while Hussien still hung from the rope and swung from the media-friendly, make-shift gallows life in downtown Baghdad slowly eased back to nomal. There was no real increase or decrease, for that matter, of murder and mayhem in downtown Baghdad as was expected from the western media. It might be because with no real newspapers or television to speak of most Iraqis woke up today with no idea Suaddam had been hung just hours before. So life in Bahgdad went on as usual with with the 100 Irqais a day dieing in the street since America liberated that country from.......... What was it again why were liberated from?

The Harpoville Post has learned that another 6 US soliders died today taking the tally to 2,998 since the American's invaded/liberated Iraq in March of 2003. The White House hopes the death of Saddam will want Iraqis to turn the page and get on with rebuilding Iraq but most insides beleive that's a long way off and life in Iraq was a hell-of-a-lot better back when Saddam the terrible was running things.

Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead

"While some wonder which witch was the right witch to hang?"

The Harpoville Post reports that the President of Iraq, Saddam Hussein, was pronounced dead as Millions of Iraqis were suspected of forgoing regular American based TV broadcasts of MTV and Sienfield to watch the public hanging. But since much of Iraqis still sit in total darkness since the American invasion, three years ago, those numbers could not be confirmed. Also news of all night dancing in the streets in Baghdad to the news of Saddams death could also not be confirmed due to the curfew that blankets that city.

The Harpoville Post has learned that merriment and rejoicing was reported to be coming from the White House as US President G.W. Bush held an old fashion Texas Hold 'em Then Hang 'em party. The President was in good spirits surrounded by his father and the few Republican supports left as he joked; "With my dad here I guess we could have invited his old pal Saddam Hussein but I hear he got hung up somewhere."

The Harpoville Post reports that G.W. Bush was over heard saying; "the Iraqis found Saddam guilty and hung em high and I am proud to say I see this as a positive step towards Iraq moving forward to an American style of republican democracy. Maybe we can learn a thing or two from these Iraqis and bring public hanging back to America and American televisions."

The Harpoville Post wonders if the treatment of Saddam, once a close friend to the White House, has left present day world leaders close to the Bush White House feeling a little tinge in their necks.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Harper Caught in The C- Hairs of Fraud

"Does my breath smell funny?"

The Harpoville Post reports that news of corruption in the conservative idea of accounting has landed Prime Minister Harpo firmly in the lap of dishonesty. The Prime Ministers office has refused to comment on new accounting findings that three Tory members, including Prime Minister Harpo himself, had over contributed to Conservative coffers to sercure Harpo the best seat in the House, that of Canadian Prime Minister.

The Harpoville Post has learned that heated denials of Conservative Party wrong doing are now being quietly admitted by the party while the Prime Minister is nowhere near Ottawa to answer to the charges. And with his name at the top of the shit-heap of those accused Harpo will eventually have to come out of hiding to answer why 1 1/2 Million dollars of over donated funds was supplied to secure his place in the highest seat in the land, that of Prime Minister.

The Harpoville Post reports that The Conservatve Government tried, unsuccessfully just last month, to amend the Canada Elections Act to ensure just such illegal donations be allowed and go unpunished.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Conservatives Go Gay Bashing

"We're planning to kick some faggity ass back to the middle ages or at least the late 90's."

The Harpoville Post reports that Prime Minister Harpo plans to make good on his promise to obey Canada's own 'Dark Prince', Charles McVety, and reopen the gay marriage debate in Parliament this week. Harpo has decided to push through the debate despite the publics outcry for the minority government to work on more pressing issues like taking care of the environment. Prime Minister Harpo's response; "It hard to concentrate on the weather when 12 thousand gays are getting married".

The Harpoville Post has learned that its not only the normally latent, homo-phobic Conservative MP's that are crying out for they're day in the sun to kick at the can of gay rights but now some Liberal members are hopping on the gay bashing Conservative band-wagon and are hoping to get their foot in that door as well. There are a few Liberal MP's are now standing up to say they were forced by former Prime Minister Paul Martin to bend over and take the gay marriage bill from behind and now they want a chance to set the record straight; that they hate fagots. Liberal MP John McKay said; "I think it unwise for a leader to whip his or her caucus, that is unless the mood has been set with some vintage Manalow and one has been properly demoralized first, which can be quite hot".

The Harpoville Post has learned that the Prime Minister is hoping to stir the soup of deep seated gay hate that lies beneath most self loathing sexually repressed members of Canada's Conservative political party's in Ottawa. Members who constantly cater to special interest groups, such as Charles McVety, who through their use of religion as a podium and tax shield to finance their gay hate mandate. Groups who's only interest is to control Canada from afar while pointing accusing fingers at hard working, private tax paying Canada's who should have all the same rights as any other citizen but are refused them because of hate and fear financed through Canada's own 'Dark Prince', Charles McVety and his religious right.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Rae Nails Speech But Looses Race

"Conservatives brag they were behind Rae's loss"

The Harpoville Post reports that news of Bob Rae's lose, in the Liberal leadership race, to Stephane Dion today came with cheers and high-fives from Harpo and the Conservative camp who have finally admitted they worked long and hard to make sure Harpo didn't face Bob Rae in the next election. The Conservatives have now admitted that Bob Rae was the one candidate they were afraid of running against their boy Harpo in the next federal election, which is expected next year.

The Harpoville Post has learned that Conservatives were on the floor in Montreal since early Friday at the Liberal leadership convention handing out button reading; "Go For Bob, Go For Broke" and "Make Bob the First NDP Prime Minister". The Conservatives spent two days working the floor scarying Liberals away from Bob Rae. Bob, who on friday night, was the only candidate who delivered his speech without the use of tele-promters showing he was the only candidate to be able to speak from the heart, not the page and think on his feet.

The Harpoville P{ost reports that these Conservatives tactics should prove to many the American style underhanded dealings the Conservatives will stoop to, to make sure Canada doesn't get a fair and honest chance at a good Prime Minister.

Pam Dumps Kid Rock Off at The Pool

"It seems Kiddy Rock is 'hotter' under the collar than anywhere else."

The Harpoville Post reports that Canadian starlet Pam Anderson has called off her marriage to America's #1 trailer park kid, Kid Rock. The hot starlet filed papers this week saying that her four month marriage to 'The Kid' was an another unfortunate lapse in judgment and she promises to try to never to be that stupid again.

The Harpoville Post has learned that the reason behind Pam and 'The Kids' split is Borat, that lovable Kazakhstanian documentarian who featured Pam in his recent successful film; 'Borat'. Pa-Mel-a!, as Borat calls her, played herself in the film and Borat's one true quest to come to America was to throw her in his traditional wedding-sack and take her home to be his bride. The film was seen as a mock-umentary by everyone who saw it, that is, everyone but Kid Rock. It seems The Kid had trouble following the plot and got quite irate when Borat tried to bag his bride. The Kid really lost it when her flew into a public rage dishing Pam-Mel-a! for taking such a role while he was her husband.

The Harpoville Post reports that if the Kid's public misunderstanding and rage wasn't enough 'The Kid' moved the temper dial up a notch by holding his breath, stomping his feet and calling his wife Pa-Mel-a a "slut and a whore". Which seems a might slow for even a dope like the Kid considering that Kid must have missed the home made sex video Pam starred in with her twice ex-husband Tommy Lee, another man not known for his higher intellect, in which Pa-Mel-a! did a real Oscar winning performance as a "slut and a whore".

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