American's Sweetheart Astronaut Goes Nuts

"Last summer she was on the space station now she's on another planet"

The Harpoville Post reports that American Astronaut Lisa Nowak drove 900 miles to try and kidnap another woman. The 43 year old former astronaut who just last summer flew in space drove her car from Huston to Orlando, in a diaper so she wouldn't have to stop, then donned a disguise and tried to kidnap a woman she believed was after the man she loved.

The Harpoville Post has learned Lisa would go to the ends of the earth and beyond for the man she loved, a space shuttle pilot. Police have denied bail after charging her with vehicle burglary, destruction of evidence and battery when they picked up the crazed female with a can of pepper spray, a BB-gun, a new steel mallet, a knife and what police seem most excited talking to Lisa about is the rubber tubing they found in her possession.

The Harpoville Post reports that NASA is planing a better screening process for the astronauts of the future. Major Tony Master of NASA told the Harpoville Post; "We have to make sure the people we spend Millions of dollars on training to be astronauts aren't as crazy as Miss Nowak has turned out to be. Though I guess her last name should have been a big hint. But NASA promises that the astronauts of tomorrow will not be as crazy as the ones of today but, they'll still have to be crazy enough to want to go into outer space.