New York Murder Numbers are in

"The Big Apple still a great place to go to get away"

The Harpoville Post reports that new news has been released on America's biggest city, New York City, and their murder rate is down but it ain't out. In 2005 504 people were murdered in N.Y. and these new statistics show who's doing who in The Big Apple.

The oldest murderer was 88 years old, the oldest victim was 91. The youngest child murderer was 9 year old girl, the youngest victim was 1 year old. Five people killed their boss, 10 killed their co-workers. Women are twice as likly to kill men. Men prefer hand guns women prefer knives. Saturday is the most brutal night of the week and 1am to 2am the most brutial time of day. 90 percent of killers have criminal records half of the victims have criminal records. Most often killers know their victims and most murders happen outside. Whites and Asians are very seldom murderers but are more often murdered. Age 10 is the safest age, too old to abuse too young to wander the streets.

"Stupid murders are on the rise"

Man was killed in his SUV for stopping to help a stranded motorist.
KFC employee was killed for not putting enough starch/lard on a customers potato wedges.
A serial killer killed four shopkeepers but, would not rob them because they were Muslim. (picky, picky,picky)
A retired cop was killed in a drive-by shooting by his wife who was also a cop.

The Harpoville Post has surmised that from these statistics that to survive in New York City it is best to be; "A 10 year old unmarried black male cross-dressing boss without a criminal record who doesn't know anybody, doesn't eat fast food, doesn't go outside and if he does he never goes out on a Saturday night between 1 and 2 am and he never stops to help anybody."