America Admits to Softwood Suckling

"All right, we're lying bastards but, we'll keep 1 billion to pay off our lying lawyers"

The Harpoville Post has learned that a decision to finally admit guilt may come from the American softwood industry as a final conclusion to softwoodgate nears. The Harpoville Post reports that the Americans have decided to return only 4 of the 5 billion dollars they illegally took by setting unfiar duties on Canadian softwood. The unfair duties caused increased pricing on both sides of the border in the building and renovation industry.

The Harpoville Post has learned that one billion dollars will be kept by the Americans to pay off lawyers who lied for years trying to keep all 5 billion. The Harpoville Post reports there is still no word from the Conservatives on what percentage of interest will be paid back to the Canadian softwood Industry on the 4 billion that has been sitting in America's softwood coffers since 2002.