Wanted New Leader of Iraq

"Must be able to handle stress"

The Harpoville Post has learned that Iraq's Prime Minister Ibrahim ali-Jaarfari has decided he's had enough of the good life of running this war torn nation, and he's stepping down to let someone else get a crack at it. The position is said to pay "very well" in American dollars though lack of free time and screams for your head seem to be some of the draw backs to the position. Requirments are; stress management, not to be too skittish of bomb blasts and being bi-lingual, so as to take orders from American Generals in English and be able to translate them into the many warring tribal dialects.

"Saddam considers one more crack at the cup"

The Harpoville Post has learned that former dictator Saddam Hussein is considering throwing his hat into the ring for old times sake. It is believed, by many, that Saddam can still muster up the fear and terror it will take to get this 'un-civil war' raged country back on the map. He has the experence after decades of savage rule under his belt and these days he's still seen hanging out with his old gang of generals.

The Harpoville Post spoke to Saddam about the possibility of him running for the position and he said, "You know something like this you just don't rush in to, it takes time to dream up a military dictatorship. Look at Bush and his boys the way they fucked it up, no planning, these guy's don't have the go-nads to run this place like it needs to be run. Though, let me tell you something funny that happened just the other day. We, I mean me and my Generals were sitting around chewing the fat, talking old times, when this 'new Iraqi soldier' came into our cell and told us it was time to eat. Now I'm Saddam Hussein, I'm the guy who say's when it's time to eat not some young buck straight out of the Baghdad academy. Let me tell you within seconds I was up on my feet chewing this kid a new...... well let's just say I've still got it."

The Harpoville Post considers Saddam a good choice to lead Iraq back from the brink of total disaster that is if they haven't arrived there already.