Thursday, April 20, 2006

Dave Emerson"I want to go home"


"It's cold and dark and they're always praying"

The Harpoville Post reports that more bad news is seeping out from the say's-pool know as Club Harper. David Emerson, ex-Liberal, now Conservative and Minister of Rough Trade is whinning so loud even his Vancouver constituants are starting to feel sorry for Dave.

The Harpoville Post has learned that Dave Emerson isn't too happy living life as a Harpoite and he's complaining that he'd rather go back to being a Liberial and has even been seen, out late, strolling the parks with NDP Jack Layton. Stephen Harper is running the four minute mile trying to dispell rumors of discontent in his ranks but, The Harpoville Post has heard it all.

The Harpoville Post spoke to David Emerson as he wept uncontrollably about his mistake in judgement. "What the hell was I thinking, Harpo dangled that Rough Trade carrot in front of my face and like a school girl on prom night I fell for it. What an idiot I've been, I mean I've tried to call the Liberals but no one is in the office and they won't answer my calls." We asked Dave what it was like in Harpo's cabinet, and he said, "It's like a prison in there, Harpo turns the lights down low and sits at the head of the table and insists everyone call him Lilly, Lilly what the hell is that all about, I think it was his mothers name or something I don't know. But they're really angry at the Liberals and they say their going to make them pay for 13 years in the cheap seats..... And pray, that's all they do they sit in there and thank God for this, thank God for that. I mean sure pray a little but all the fucking time. It's getting too weird, too weird."

The Harpoville Post requested a comment from the Conservative camp and we were directed to speak to Bob Klager head of Harpo Communications who told us, "I really don't believe David Emerson said those things because as everyone knows all comments and I mean ALL comments are first to be cleared by us in the office. So since I have no notes of what Mr. Emerson supposedly said so, if they do not exsist then what you say Mr. Emerson supposedly said doesn't exsist either. We at Harpo Central Command are here to make sure such errors do not happen and will never happen." We asked Mr. Kalger he was of German decent and he told us, "Nine, I Swiss, goodbye."

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