Tim Hortons Explosion Rocks Toronto

"do I smell shit?"

The Harpoville Post reports that one man was killed when an explosion rocked a Tim Hortons coffee shop. The shop, located at one of the busiest corners in downtown Toronto was first suspected to be a terrorists attack. Prime Minister Harpo and lack-of-Defense Minister O'Connor were quick to insist that all precautions were to be taken incase terrorists were involved.

The Harpoville Post learned that a Swat Team and a Bomb Unit were deployed to secure the area and detonate a suspicious package found on the street. The package turned out to be a bag of human feces belonging to an area homeless woman. Once the package was detonated feces was flung all over the busy downtown Toronto intersection.

The Harpoville Post reports that the suspected terrorist attack was first reported by the owner, one Ahmed Wamony, who told The Harpoville Post, "I come to this country to get away from this craziness. I open small business and work long hours. I selling overpriced coffee and tiny muffins because Mr. Horton say so. People complain about this, they say Ahmed, why does the price go up and the size of the cups get smaller and smaller. I don't know, Mr. Horton get so angry when people refuse to buy my tiny muffins, two bites they're gone." he added. "I thought this was the land of milk and plenty but, now I see it's the land of brown water and tiny cakes."

The Harpoville Post has learned that police have yet to release the name of the dead man but, they did say this to The Harpoville Post, "We do know the dead man was not an employee of the store but we do suspect that, at the time of his death, he was a very unsatisfied customer."