Loyola says "Save The Seal Hunters"

The Harpoville Post
Sunday Report

"Whatever Loyola wants Loyola gets"

The Harpoville Post reports Canadian Fisheries Minister Loyola Hearn has banned anyone from coming near Canada's Seal hunt incase they hurt the seal hunters. "The hunters may be there to slaughter the defenseless seals but they need our protection." said Loyola Hearn, far from the frozen ice flows of the north and in his/her newly decorated publicly funded office. This annual Canadian event, as Canadian as the first running of the maple syrup, the raising of the flag on Canada Day, and a Canadian's first May 24 camping trip hang over, needs to be protected by the government itself.

The Harpoville Post has learned that Loyola has backed his/her words with actions when he/she had seven protesters arrested and jailed for being on the frozen ice flows of the St. Lawrence. Five blood thirsty workers for the U.S. Humane Society and two evil foreign journalists came too close to the poor hunters as they went to work clubing the seals.

The Harpoville Post reports of massive star studded out cry to stop the seal hunt by such celebrities as Paul McCartney, Pam Anderson, Bono and Morrissey has gained some liberal press by little else. As Loyola told The Harpoville Post, "No week kneed liberal is going to tell us what to do, though I'd just love to get Paul and Pam's autograph."

The Harpoville Post has learned that seal oil, one of the reason for their slaughter, is rich in Omega3 fatty acids which is know to lower blood pressure. This is appearent in the seals as they passively sit minding they're own business as the seal hunters go to work smashing in their skulls with clubs and dragging the seals away leaving the Canadian ice flows stained in rich red Omega3.