Desperately Seeking Sud......... For Softwood Solutions

A Personals Ad placed in The Harpoville Post this week was paid for by non-other than ex-liberal now Conservative Minister of Rough Trade the not-very-honorable David Emerson.

The Harpoville Post has learned, that when asked if he would return the $97,000 giving to him by his British Columbia riding, David Emerson a self serving, oaf, who was re-elected as a liberal, then quickly turned-coat from red to blue to suckle onto the tit of the Harpo Government just to be made Minister of Rough Trade; his answer was to the point.

"Fuck you and Fuck them, if they wanted the money back they should never have given it to me in the first place. What did they expect, I'm a politician god-dame-it."

When Emerson was asked what his solution to the Softwood issue was he quickly turned on his expensive loafers and went screaming down the hall, "You people are so cruel can't you see Softwood is a personal issue with me." Emerson then made the mistake of running into the liberal bathroom where he was teased and taunted by the few liberals that are left in caucus these days.


SOFTWOOD
Who's problem is it?

We asked Prime Minister Harpo what his solutions for the Softwood issues were but again he is tight lipped on the subject.

So we sent Connie Unties out to find out who else in Harpoville has Softwood on their mind.

....... It's eleven pm and I'm standing in front of 24 Harpoville Row, where inside the Prime Minister home the Softwood issue that plagues most Harpovillians has come home to roost. And it is The First Lady of Harpoville who knows first hand, the hardships, or lack of that surround this issue.

The First Lady spoke to me in confidence when she said,
"At first I thought it was due to the stress of running for the Prime Minister-ship of Harpoville, I guess I just expected it." She said, " Then when the election was over there would be cause for celebration but non was forth.... cuming." Her eyes red as she reached for her hankie, "Maybe it's just me making a big thing out of nothing, I don't know."

She then added, "My family is an oil family, and everyones knows that oil is a lubricant, a dame good lubricant. There's nothing oil can't fix with a good lubing. But, if the wood is soft no amount of lubing is going to fix that."