Tuesday, March 14, 2006

'O-My-God' They've Killed Chef!

"You Bastards"

Isaac Hayes draws the line on the guys who draw the line

The Harpoville Post has learned that 1/3 of the voices on the popular TV cartoon, South Park, is leaving the show. Citing 'religious differences' 60's soul-man Isaac Hayes, 'Mr.Shaft' himself has decided to throw his Chef's hat in.

The Harpoville Post spoke to the big baritone voiced, Mr. Hayes who has been "Chef" the cook and ladies man on the show since 1997 and he told us, "O'baby when a man is dished by his lover he must rise up and denounce those who do so. Can ya dig it?" He then added, "I am a deeply religious man who can not respect those who disrespect that, ya dig?"

The Harpoville Post then heard from the shows two creators, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, who had this to say, "Isaac had no problem cashing his check when we pissed all over the Christians but as soon as we turned our dicks around and sprayed all over the Scientologists, he had a problem with that one."

Isaac Hayes added, "There is a place for satire in this world. A place where a once proud, sexy, baritone soul singer who stuck around long enough to become the voice of a big, goofy, deep voiced black cartoon chef, who bangs all the white women in town and gives life affirming advice to four nine year old boys, in a small all white community located in the Calorado Rockies." He then added, "That's where I want to live."

This Harpoville Post reporter remembers a time, back in the early 1980's, when Mr. Hayes was in so much trouble with the IRS that he was reduced to doing Saturday afternoon fly fishing shows in Northern Alberia. The once proud Isaac was seen riding horse back with gold plastic chains around his neck and saying, "What the fuck am I doing here? If I ever make it back on top I won't fuck it up next time."

The Harpoville Post hopes the two creators of South Park will be able to give poor Chef the send off he deserves.


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