Church says Brokeback Mountain Pro-Gay

Walmart say's "Brokeback Mountain Pro-Hay"

The Harpoville Post has learned that Walmart plans the stand in the face of the religious right by refusing to back down to their demands but, for financial reasons only. The mega chain Walmart refuses to stop selling the newly released DVD film Brokeback Mountain not because it's about two gay cowboys but, because it's about money.

The Harpoville Post spoke to a representive of the retail giant who told us, "We're a store, we sell things this a DVD and that's why we'll continue to sell it cause that's what we do. If you don't like the movie or don't agree with the concept of the film don't buy and don't watch it. We're a store don't tell us we shouldn't sell it cause you're against a film about two gay cowboys stuck on a hill."

The Harpoville Post also reports that Hollywood's movie moguls have decided to stop allowing reviews of new films before release. It seems the quality of the films has dropped so low that they know they're shit so they don't need to be told. With film revenues dropping quicker than a boys pants on prom night studios are at risk of anyone showing up at all when reviewed.

The Harpoville Post spoke to Saul Slaw from Universal Studios who told us, "We've just decided that the movie going audence isn't reading anything, let alone reviews, so why bother. Our research shows most people go to movies high, why, because they're too ripped to walk or drive, so they go sit at a show and veg. We've found they don't buy a paper and read what some old fart thinks, they walk in high get intimated when they can't decide and buy a ticket for the next movie playing. Only their parents read Roeper and Ebert and they don't leave the house so, who gives a shit what they say."

The Harpoville Post heard the same from Saul's brother Sal head of MGM Studios who added, "Saul's right the buying public has come to expect low brow fart humor from the studios so why disappoint them. Take this new movie The Benchwarmers, we took two old gag guys added this years hot new nerd, threw in lots of bad improve humor, you know, guys getting hit in the nuts, picking their nose and fart jokes, then film it on hand held camcorders and we've got ourselves a hit. That is as long as we don't let anyone review it before the pot heads arrive at the theatre."